she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
