I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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