saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
