Already got asked if we're dating
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize