great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My penis needs a shock collar
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
