at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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