Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
