its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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