Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
its liver damage thursday
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