Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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