it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
