you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
