If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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