What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm passing your future prison.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
