I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
