They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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