why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
