watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
