I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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