If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
