I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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