You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she smelled like a LAN party
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
