Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's like iHOP with fire
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
