Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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