there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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