So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
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