literally had 100 drinks last night.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
