At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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