so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
