Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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