**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
