We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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