On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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