i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
