i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
