I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
