so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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