you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
