I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
