morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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