Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
