Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
where are my eyebrows?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
