Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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