I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
organizing the empties. That sober.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
