Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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