i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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