Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize