I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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