I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
