doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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