He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
