I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
