ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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