Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
