I wish I only lived at night.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
