Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're a waste of cheezeits
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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