apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
