Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
