I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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