Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
