I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
