ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
this is an emotional support booty call
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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